Do you know that self-discovery is greatly dependent on whether you love yourself?
The term “Self-discovery” means identifying your nature and your needs to understand your dreams, fears, insights and true identity. Even though the word self-discovery may sound trivial, it is a significant process in learning of knowing one’s self.
Do you ever remember about a time when you dreamt about having a certain kind of life that after you finally achieve your desire, you still seemed to feel unhappy? Why do you think that is happening?
Let us discuss it now.
If you haven’t threaded the path to your self-discovery yet, then you may have not learned what you truly want from life. And as a result, the miserable feeling we call “unhappiness” always finds a way to creep in.
This is the reason why counselors undertake a process of self-discovery as the first stage in their consultation session. However, even without the help of counselors, you can discover yourself if you start being aware of your needs and feelings.
Let me just get this ahead by saying: Love for oneself is not being SELFISH. In fact, it is the opposite. And it is called SELF-LOVE.
When I started my own self-discovery, the first thing that I realized was that I cannot give away what I don’t have in the first place.
That was an AHA moment for me.
Imagine, intending to give a dollar away to one person. In order for you to be that generous, you must possess at least a dollar in your pocket to enable you to share it to that one person. And in the matter of having more recipient, then you must have more dollars. Having an extra means that you have more to give.
It is in that same notion that if you love yourself, you can share more of yourself knowing now that you are love itself. In other words, loving yourself opens your life to a series of other discoveries about your true essence.
That may be easier said than done and our physical reality is to blame sometimes.
Life is a struggle you may say.
Because of the daily activities of hustling and bustling through life, we reckon that the busyness of life is essentially necessary because we need to make ends meet for our family, run our various businesses, start new paths for our careers, etc. We are deeply engrossed in these activities that we forget our true nature, we tend to forget who we really are. As a result, we never had time to even stop for a moment to discover our self.
Let me make an analogy for a moment to make it clearer.
I remembered the first time I traveled by plane. One of the instructions given by the flight steward or stewardess is to put your oxygen mask on first before putting it on your companion or a child in case of emergency. I thought that was being selfish but later realized how simple the logic is. You will be more helpful to others if you have taken care of yourself first.
Love is the finest of all gifts and is received only to be given.Tim Murtaugh
This may be a strong statement to hear: if you do not love and care for yourself first, then there’s no way you can love and care for somebody else.
Now don’t get me wrong. Loving yourself has nothing to do with an inflated ego. Nor does it mean of looking down upon others or being too proud and conceited that you become so annoying. What I simply meant is that there’s no way you can love others if you do not love yourself first because as we have discussed you can never share or offer something that you don’t have.
Just like the boomerang effect, when love is shared, you receive more, and the more you have, the more you give which indeed makes a happier world of a constant cycle of giving and receiving.
I am Enough
Some time ago in life, you may have been told that we were born as unique beings, endowed with special gifts.
However, somewhere along the line, we lost to that belief. Let’s investigate…
When we were growing up, we were always told to be perfect or else.
So, you tried your best to be one but somehow your best was not enough. And as part of growing up, you inevitably fell short of that expectation. After years of trial and error and learning from it, you began to understand that perfection is relative to and depends on someone’s standard.
Thus, whenever you didn’t level to other people’s standards and come short of someone’s wish, you tend to feel that you are not that good enough.
Eventually, throughout the years, you begin living under the illusion of having a sense of poor self-worth. You start seeing yourself as a cup that will never be whole, nor accomplished, nor successful. You see yourself with a sense of brokenness.
Consequently, being dispirited with your circumstance led to looking for happiness outside of you – generally in material and tangible things.
But let me tell you, in spite of this belief, you must always try to remember that the key to unlocking the door to true happiness lies in discovering one’s self. Because happiness comes from discovering yourself.
You are ENOUGH just the way you are.
Know that each of us possesses at least two special and distinct attributes which you and only you can do better than anyone else. Once you come to discover this special YOU, everything else in life will manifest timely into place.
So, take your journal and start writing down your insights on the following. Give yourself 20-30 minutes for this journaling session.
As I have mentioned at the beginning, the first step to self-discovery is the identification of your needs. To identify your needs, make sure you can not be disturbed. S0 you first need to sit in a quiet place and relax.
When you are in a relaxed state of mind, meditate and focus on your thoughts. Ask yourself these questions:
“What” makes you happy…
“What” makes you sad…
Along with the question of “what,” also ask:
“Why” did it make you happy…
“Why” did it make you sad…
Seek for the deeper and the most honest answer behind it, not just a so-so one.
Write down your answers in a tabular form, so that you would easily see and identify why those emotions and feelings pop up. This identification session is the most important part of self-discovery and would help you with the flow of good things coming.
|What Makes Me “Happy”?||What Makes Me “Sad”?|
|Why Did It Make Me “Happy”?||Why Did It Make Me “Sad”?|
Now that you have noted the things that make you miserable, you can start and try staying away from those triggers. Time to let go if you are having a hard time compromising with the avoidance.
On the other hand, integrate the happy moments more into action. Again, stay away from toxic situations and people as they definitely do not serve you.
If you are still with me in getting to this point, I promise you will start discovering your true self and lead a happier life.
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